Please, do not give up

(Tiny plant making its way through concrete. (c)Benjamin Leon 2020)

(Dec 3, 2020)

    Hi readers, it's me, again. I just asking you to please, do not give up. Ever. I mean, we’ve gone through rough stuff, we’ve taken lots of hits, we’ve fallen hundreds of times, we’ve gotten up, we’ve been trying to heal ourselves and we’ve tried our best to compliment the healing process with therapy, medication or the combination of all possible roads that lead to the corner of Hope St. and Healing Ave, and somehow, we have managed to keep taking steps forward without really going back except for those few and in-between setbacks, mishaps and emotional hijacking we get when traumatic memories just come into our minds all of a sudden.

Why it matters to keep going after getting up

Airplane moving through the night sky. Pictured: Light trails formed by the Airplane. (c)Benjamin Leon 2019

Ahh!  “getting up” that word that only gets assigned true meaning when someone’s going through difficulties in life. Now, let’s be completely honest; how many of you have seen, read or heard a loud, rotund “all you have to do is get up!”  Do you feel like that motivates you to do it, or is it more like a nudge in the opposite direction of where you’re trying to go?

I recalled something I was beginning to write back in 2018 in which I said something about just recovering from a headshot wound isn’t really the hard part; actually trying to carry a “normal” life afterwards is. 

The path to recovery

I do not know if it’s the right one, the path I've chosen nor am I certain or can certify if there is a specific set of steps required to achieve a full recovery, but from what I’ve experienced is that,

TheScarZone

Raindrops last night on the glass door (c) Benjamin Leon 2019

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed doctor, nurse practitioner, physician or have any sort of academic knowledge on medicine, medical procedures or disease/symptom evolution. What I’m about to write is what I think  about how this works.

a Thank you letter to my friends

C7 Ladybird on a plastic chair armrest after a short rain in Cleveland, TN (c) Benjamin Leon 2018

Hi, it's me again.

I wanted to write this short article in honor to all those people who have helped me on this journey up to now.
I want to let them know from the deepest part of my heart, how grateful I am that I have met you all and how much have you influenced on my recovery.

You guys have really made me laugh, you guys took me in, without knowing me, without knowing my story. Thank you. You are great, and I am incredibly grateful for that.
You even endured after I showed suicidal tendencies, you held my virtual hand when the missus left, you were all there when I needed it, and I surely must say it is not every day you bump into people that treat you as well as you guys do. Some have opened up with me, and I have helped to the extent that was allowed. Some of you have reached out in social media outside of the usual chatting platforms. You have made me feel like a human being again.

Not all is lost, but truly, I say this: when you lose everything, you gain even more precious things; and, in my life those precious things are all of you. My friends, my family.

Even when I'm stubborn on buying things I probably don't need, the movies we've watched together, the voice events we've been in, the tweets, the Drive shares; everything. Thank you!

I'm still not 100% recovered but, I'm getting there with baby steps.

Beyond greatness

Remember the rosebud I wrote about metaphorically on the meant for greatness article?

well, here it is today (10/22/2018), it IS possible, stay brave, one step at a time. You absolutely GOT THIS!

Taking the ring to More-Door

132 days left for 2019, sunset in Tampa, FL., (c) Benjamin Leon 2018.

Once upon a time, there was a man who had lived for 0.032 millenia, and in this man there existed an ideal concept of marriage and being the head of a family. That man, as you may have guessed was me; now, having cleared that up, what you are about to read will not change your life, I only wish that it helps you broaden your array of options so that you may pick the best one, that is, if you have to take the ring to more-door, and destroy it in the fires of mount broom. (yes this title and references are inspired by lotr)

 First and foremost; you have to get rid of the physical evidence that the ring once came to you, and this is done with the sole purpose of freeing your thoughts and the feeling of being bound to someone when there is nothing more sustaining said bond.

A familiar face across the room

The Moon around 4pm. EST; shot with 8x telephoto lens (c) Benjamin Leon 2018

Today is another regular day; clouds have gathered and we (mom, sister, brother, cousin and me) planned a trip and promptly drove to the mall after getting ready. I sat down on yet another coffee shop after walking around with my family for a while.

So here I am, looking at all these people walking in and out of stores and even the coffee place I'm in right now. At least it's not as crowded as it was earlier and right  now, everyone finished placing and picked their orders,  they are now starting to sit down, the ones that are seated are now sitting and sipping on their hot or iced coffees/teas.

There's a family two tables across and their kids are playing with some plastic dinosaurs, there's a couple of guys with their girlfriends on their laptops.  A lady just walked in, placed her order and now she is waiting for it right there at the counter, and she's constantly looking my direction, sometimes directly at me, from head to toe, while she waits for her order to be ready. I get why she constantly looks this way though, if it were me; I would've stared at the fact that the table looked really small to be honest, as this almost 7 foot tall dude shadowed the table. I did it, just now, I looked back, literally I just moved my eyes to the left and a bit upwards and I saw a smile drawn on her face as a reaction to our glances crossing paths; that awkward 0.5 second indirect smile along with a quick millisecond glance that conveys a "hey" or "what are you lookin' at, creep?". I'll never know what that slight smirk meant. Not because I am lacking the courage to talk to her, but because she left, literally she just walked out right now as she got her order.

Meant For Greatness

Roses on my porch (C)Benjamin Leon 2018

I remember seeing these roses and immediately pulled out my camera; my hands were shaky but I managed to stabilize them and afterwards move the camera along with the roses a little because they were being rocked by the wind caressing the plant and I did not want a blurry picture. I decided to write this article precisely after snapping a picture today, a picture of a small rosebud and two roses behind it in their latter development stages. Some of you will immediately understand where this article is trying to get you, but for those who don't, here's what I thought of the photograph after looking at it for a while while I sat by myself inside of this lonely coffee shop experiencing a mild migraine.

Love after the "Love" of your life.

My Dyzplastic Android Figurine "staring out the window" (c) Benjamin Leon, 2018.

It's really hard to write about this very specific subject because it has always been a very important part of my life. I have experienced a lot of heartbreaks in the past, whether or not me being the responsible of getting to the point of ending the relationship with my dates. 

Please, please heed this little advice snippet: Love yourself first before attempting any sort of sentimental relationship with someone, be it new or the first.

You Got This

A Beautiful Tennessean Day (C)Benjamin Leon 2018

As I was sitting outside my relatives' house on a beautiful Tennessean spring-almost-summer day listening to birds singing, looking at a couple of Robins jumping through the grass looking for something to eat, a mother and a father dove carrying twigs to finish their nest, the wind gently caressing each blade of grass while the strong sun rays were shining through the clouds on a beautiful blue sky, when I thought to myself: "I've really come a long way since it happened". It has been exactly 579 days since at the time of writing this article. "Maybe I need to help others overcome their hardships" I realized as those lines took my train of thought hostage for that brief moment.


"Social platforms were the perfect medium to get to people, because you do not need to approach them physically; especially for me, someone with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). In no way is it an easy task to approach someone to either talk, help or ask for something over a counter."