The path to recovery

I do not know if it’s the right one, the path I've chosen nor am I certain or can certify if there is a specific set of steps required to achieve a full recovery, but from what I’ve experienced is that,

in fact; all things must pass. ALL of them, and as one thing ends, another one starts, sometimes, the ending is really the beginning or vice versa; the choice is then ours to decide whether we will be starting or closing a chapter or various ones. In my situation, lots of things ended but other things started, it’s kind of like some things cannot be started if others have not ended, sort of like unlocking secret characters in a video game, or unlocking different areas that lead you to newer, harder levels, the same concept applies: you cannot proceed or you cannot really do much until you have truly gathered the sufficient resources, items or experience in order to advance into newer, better, more suspenseful and/or more fulfilling parts of the story, and, in my life, per se; I’ve come to be angry at the events but also thankful at the same time because well; there’s not much I can really do about it other than dealing with the consequences of the event and my choices, so there’s no real benefit in  getting angry at the events, or at me for the things that happened in my life.

What I’m trying to get to is the fact that; while we do have to deal with the event(s), we choose how we are going to react to said event(s). To me, the real drawback is that you have to do it on your own.Yes, you might have your support system(family, friends, pets, acquaintances, doctors or counselors), but they’re not the ones that will put effort into getting better for you.

This is, in its core, a single-player, offline quest you must embark on your very own, and you get to decide the day you want to embark on it.

I think that one thing that will aid us in our journey to recovery is the survival instinct that comes inside of us by default; and, this said, I am not invalidating professional help as I, in fact, also believe and have experienced that the first thing we must to go through in order to recover completely, or at least to get on the right recovery path is precisely this: medical and/or professional attention.

What came to be surprising though, is that all of them; my counselors,my doctors and even the family outside my immediate family circle, were constantly asking me the “you” questions. “How do you feel?”, “what do you think would make that better?”, “do you think photography, or blogging have helped you along the way?”, “do you

think you could do better than that?, say; Instead of walking half a mile, try walking a whole mile”, and so on; you, you and more you.

So, in my opinion, knowing or having a good idea of where you want to get in these new chapters of your life along with the adequate support system, the right medications and just the perfect intervention from your own self help, is to me, the right path to recovery.

Sure, I understand why you could hesitate in doing or doubt the things we want to carry out, but this time I’m fairly confident that once we take our first step, things start falling in place.

I’m very certain that people, like family and friends; without any real medical background or similar experiences will suggest things, activities and/or methods of coping or recovery based on what they think is best, but they do not really know our inner needs. I also think that save for our psychologist/psychiatrist, only we know what we need, unless we speak out and let our loved ones know about it.

I know clearly, for example, that I want a technology job that’s less stressful than the one I had back home, I know I have the skills for it, plus, add the years of experience behind technology jobs throughout the years and yeah, I would be set for life. I’ve also been volunteering online in the same support group that helped me at first, but this time I’m the one helping others get back on track; which, if you have been reading up to this paragraph, then you must know that I’m not doing bad in its entirety, as a matter of fact, I think I’m faring quite well; I mean, it could be better, but at this point in time, I’ll take what I can get, and right now; every little bit of recovery counts, even if it’s 1%, 2%, or 60% or hmm... I know I’m not there yet, but I’m en route for sure, I’m past 0%, that’s for sure.

Dear reader,only you know the things that will make you feel like you’re fulfilling a purpose and, above all, will make YOU feel fulfilled. You see, it just happens to be; the one thing that started to help me is that I am now able and free to do whatever I want with my life without any constraints (except the obvious pauses I have to make because of anxiety, or hypervigilance). Of course, all things must done within reasonable judgement and measure.

That is why I chose, as I have told you millions of times, to pick up amateur nature photography as a hobby, I mean; it has helped me far beyond most people would ever know,. I just wish I had the chance to tell my psychiatrist back in Cleveland, TN about it. I’m sure he would be happy and pleased to know he set me on the right track towards recovery.

Now, onto the not-so-good things that are going on in my life right now, the fact that I still have double vision and it’s impossible for me to drive with this condition, because, well, the roads split in two sometimes, in my mind due to the fact that my right half of the brain was injured and it’s no longer able to perform the image flip or convergence; if you may call it like that. I have correction glasses now, to which, I am still getting used to. They do not reverse the damage but they do aid in correcting it a little bit; and, like I said, I’ll take whatever I can get. All done for the sake of full recovery.

Medication is another thing that has truly helped me get back on the track to recovery. I completely understand there are some things that cannot be sped-up, especially physical recovery like chemical balance let alone neurological and emotional recovery with the latter being the easiest, at least for me. Yes, it has been so easy for me to recover emotionally from the metaphorical knives that gutted my heart and soul out. I think in part it was easier, thanks to the previous experiences that I have had on this kind of emotionally traumatic stuff.

Yes, I have been seriously and mercilessly emotionally wounded in the past, but I was definitely made to withstand these things, I mean; who knows? Maybe this happened in my younger years to strengthen me up to the point of being able to deal with the events that have happened after that dreaded 2016 December day. I cannot fully say it’s over though.

I’m still struggling with relationship issues with my family and most of my contacts, my family because I think they’re always too busy to talk to me, even text me at times; it has been really heartbreaking for me, since; I thought that now I finally had a serious enough injury, they would grow closer to me and it has,to my perception; been the complete opposite. I feel and fear they are further away from me. Then again, it could probably be because they know I’m no longer in any sort of danger, be it emotional or physical.

I think that’s wonderful that they think I’m doing better now, but truly and deep down, I would absolutely love for them to talk to me even more and more, since; communication was something we, as a family were lacking most of the time, plus; our relationship was not the ideal one as there was a lot of arguing between us… or more like between them and me, specifically.

I did tell my therapist though; ah yes; to my therapist, psychiatrist and psychologist; even my counselors. Interesting enough, they all agreed that I had to build upon the relationship with my family, to which I paddled and tried to reach the shore in regards to our relationship, alas, I have not been entirely successful, yet.

You might be thinking that you’re “done” with this and you are tired of fighting for things that probably won’t happen. I understand, as failure is all we’ve gotten after trying everything, or at least everything according to us, and that wears us out, leaving us mentally and emotionally drained.Well, my dear friend, allow me to be the one to tell you that  it’s in your power to choose whether or not that becomes a reality in your life. You see, we let stuff pass us by because we do not act upon it. I could tell you lots of stories of opportunities that I let pass in my past; and in this case, both actions are good, take the hard, cold truth straight on or just let it pass. Now, personally I've always been the kind of person to just take the facts head on; the main reason for this has been that I’ve spent too much time wondering if something was meant to be or if it was but a plane crashing even before it took off; and, I let time pass, some time, too much time. I saw the sun set and rise on so many occasions; waiting for what could’ve been known, you know, since day 1, or 2; or at least, the first week.

Yeah, I know; “Hi, feelings! Ugh!” Buckle your safety belts and get in my time machine, we’re about to go back 15 years. “B...but Ben, imagine being able to time travel just to tell this story? You could have definitely picked out something better or another setting at the very least”. No. You know what? I mean it, no!, no! And wait for it… No.

I have to tell you this, so that you may find the right path to recovery, or at least get in perspective of what might be best course of action to take in your situation.

Let us travel, then.

Let’s wait for the fog to clear up a little bit before we begin exploring.

Alright, it’s clear outside, let’s go. Here we see Ben probably on the best years of his life as he had no worries; I mean, outside of the occasional university dilemmas about classes, credits and his then employers.

There was absolutely no emotional turmoil to roll in, and that was actually fine, that was life back then for Ben, and it was OK.

But then, something inside him, his biological clock I’m guessing, just rang the alarm out of the blue, and set the “time to find a girlfriend” mode on.

And that’s where his emotional crumbling began. As from that day on, he decided to open his heart without actually giving it a second thought, and that was one of the most harmful situations he could have gotten himself in, and, that went on until the 25th of September, two years ago, in 2017. Let us now switch to first person perspective, this third person thing is making me feel sorry for Ben.

I was so desperate to find a friendly ear, a companion; someone to share adventures with, that it did not really matter where they came from; anything was good as long as my heart got the soothing relief of knowing someone “Cares”.
“But hey, look at that!, why do you put that in quotation marks?”
I do so because, someone that cares for you would not dump you, they would stick together through whatever issue you’re currently having. I mean, that’s what friendships (and relationships) are about, in my personal opinion.

So, as it turned out , my heart got splattered everywhere for many many, years, and I’m not even going to get into the story that you all know happened in 2017.

And this time, while you are reading this, i just want ask you a small, yet deep question. Are you sure, and by “sure”,  I mean: are you really sure about what you’re thinking about doing, or what you think is best for you; or are you even sure it’s okay for you to let your feelings loose just because?

I want you to understand something first and foremost.

YOU MATTER, YOUR FEELINGS MATTER, YOUR EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL WELLBEING MATTER.

Not even kidding, take care of those aspects, because if they crumble, your whole life can and probably will collapse, that is, if you do not address them soon enough.

So what we’re going to do today is evaluate where our emotional “North” is set to, “where are we heading” and if it’s “totally worth it”  to head that way; knowing what the pros and cons will be. We’re desperately looking for answers to our questions regarding our emotional wellbeing; and, from what I’ve experienced, I can confidently tell you to take a more relaxing and less stressful approach to life and its ups and downs. These hard times will not last forever, so you need to get your mind and your emotions synced in order to get on your train to goalsville”, fueled by hope and expectations; full steam ahead.

As you might’ve guessed, it’s my duty as a motivational speaker and writer, to suggest you the  absolute best pathway to where you’re going. Yes, before you interrupt; I know we don’t always have a clear pathway to where we’re going so we basically “continue doing things like they were” and stick to the same path we’ve walked on a billion(metaphorically) times before. The road you swore never to walk on again, is now under your feet and you don’t know why your heart is breaking again. Sounds bad, doesn’t it? It is, but we’re used to that because we  had tasted success in that road once or twice, so nothing could really go wrong, right? … WRONG!

I believe, like I said, that we have to embrace the things we’re set up against to the best of our abilities, and that means that if we’re not prepared to face a situation, it’s OK to fail, it’s OK to make mistakes, it’s okay to hesitate, to have doubts. It is absolutely acceptable that you ask questions and seek advice on how to achieve something or get somewhere, and, truth be told; I have done a lot of asking around myself. That’s how I’ve learned my share of things. That’s how I indirectly learned supply chain management and other stuff.

So, in order to get into the right track, you definitely have to follow the advice that is given to you, whether it’s the medical/pharmaceutics approach to recovery or the physical approach; the best thing to do is to follow the advice that health professionals or people that have gone through what you’ve been experiencing.

As an example, I have gone through trauma, loneliness, divorce, anxiety, depression and PTSD. We can arguably go on all night on how bad that is, but to me, and to be completely honest, it’s amazing on how we can take a bad situation and turn it to good; or make the best out of something that is seemingly lost. I now use all of my experiences to help others that are in need of an ear to listen, a pair of eyes to read or simply someone who needs company or another human to interact with.

Basically just make choices on what to do with the time that is given us.

In simpler words; it’s up to you to choose whether you do good or bad to others in the situation you’re in or you’ve been in. It’s not about money or material possessions, it’s about the soul, the spirit; fellowship if you may.

In conclusion:

• Help others, and by doing so; believe me, you will help yourself.
• Be mindful of the effort put into it, as you can often find exhaustion in helping others and totally lose track of your own physical and mental well being.
• Find closure on the chapter(s) of your life that need closure… are they damaging you when you slightly remember the chapter(s)? Close it(them).
• Open new chapters in your life and go into them step by step, don't rush it, unless you’re completely confident that you’re able to handle the rushing.
• Find the right path with others that have gone through similar situations, friends that love you, family that cares for you and those with expert knowledge in the science of psychology, psychiatry, nutrition, physical fitness and other well-being related fields.
• And over everything: Never give up on yourself.
• You know what?. get a piece of paper and write a letter thanking past you for not  giving up on yourself back then when it was a lot tougher, past you played a very important role in who you’re becoming.