Taking the ring to More-Door

132 days left for 2019, sunset in Tampa, FL., (c) Benjamin Leon 2018.

Once upon a time, there was a man who had lived for 0.032 millenia, and in this man there existed an ideal concept of marriage and being the head of a family. That man, as you may have guessed was me; now, having cleared that up, what you are about to read will not change your life, I only wish that it helps you broaden your array of options so that you may pick the best one, that is, if you have to take the ring to more-door, and destroy it in the fires of mount broom. (yes this title and references are inspired by lotr)

 First and foremost; you have to get rid of the physical evidence that the ring once came to you, and this is done with the sole purpose of freeing your thoughts and the feeling of being bound to someone when there is nothing more sustaining said bond.

My hardest opponent was called "denial" and was a dreadful experience, even now, the remnants of that make me remember every second, minute, hour and day of such experience as I write these lines.

Whenever I looked at it, I denied it, I could not believe that it had happened to me and constantly thought to myself "It's my ring, it's MINE, I BOUGHT it, I FOUGHT for it to happen, I WAITED for too long, it's mine, MINE ALONE".

 Of course it was no golden ring forged in the fires of a volcano, but it was "forged" in the fires of what was supposed to be Love. It was made by a company that sells all sorts of rings on Amazon. It was a size 12 tungsten ring without an extravagant design, as it was just a ring and was symbolically representing a wedded couple for the really short time it was worn, but then, whenever I woke up to that empty bed, I glanced at the desolate bedside drawer that propped our wedding pictures once, only to find my trusty  Smartphone and my water mug. Now, please bear with me as I'm not against love at all. I have indeed witnessed true love and I know for a fact that it exists, but for it to be, you have to make sure there are no sides being selfish to only what they want, demand and what decide. Love's a mutual effort, as both work hand-in-hand as a team, facing each event, task, quest or dream together.

 There was no more ring, as I had allowed for the ring to seep away from my heart; yes, you read that right; I did it, willingly; as that sort of detachment does not just magically go away when it feels like it. What I'm trying to say is that YOU are the one that calls the shots, and so I did. I chose not to pursue it, I chose to let it go. I chose for it to be destroyed (metaphorically), and I no longer have it. Alas, as it faded away, I no longer felt a physical empty slot in which the ring could fit on my right hand. I was free of it and there was nothing more tying me those endless memory strands. Now, memory strands usually bring you the best memories, then they lead you to the bad ones, and then comes the heartache, regret, doubt, fear; and of course, if you stir that recipe up you'll immediately start feeling miserable.

Now, I strongly advise you do not, under any circumstance, allow yourself to feel miserable because you are NOT miserable, you are far too valuable for that, you are bright, you are cool, you are special, and no one else is like you, this might sound cliche, but you are a limited edition model human being.

That was not the end though, there were more things I had to get rid of so that I could prevent self-inflicted psychological and emotional pain, things such as emails, pictures, conversations, songs and the wedding playlist. I also changed passwords, handles or user names, emails and anything else that could potentially be traced back to me. As insignificant as they sound, getting rid of those things greatly helped that constant feeling that burns your mind and heart. 

So it happened, it was done, it was finally over! I did, however had to willingly resist to wearing the ring and willingly gave it up to be free of that pain haunting my soul.
And so it was, it fell to the metaphorical volcano fires. The ring, and everything that constituted the "ring" for me: memories, letters, moments, scents, scenes, sounds, songs, words, actions and scenarios had perished.That what once was is no longer. Not anymore.